If your toddler clings to your leg at drop-off, you are far from alone. Separation anxiety in toddlers is a normal, healthy sign that your child has a strong bond with you. The good news is that with a little preparation and a steady routine, most children settle more quickly than parents expect.
Why separation anxiety in toddlers happens
Between about 18 months and 3 years, children are learning that they are separate people from their parents. They also understand that when you leave, you are somewhere else, but they can’t yet be sure when you will come back. That uncertainty can feel big.
Tears at goodbye don’t mean your child is unhappy at childcare or that you have made the wrong choice. Often, the crying stops within minutes of a parent leaving, once your child is busy with a favourite activity or a caring educator. Changes at home, such as a new sibling, a move or illness, can also make separation feel harder for a while.
Preparing your toddler before the big day
Familiarity is one of the best comforts for a young child. Before starting care, visit the centre together if you can, so the rooms, toys and faces start to feel known. Read picture books about going to childcare and talk simply and positively about what will happen.
At home, practise short separations with people your child trusts, such as a grandparent or friend. Each time you leave and come back, your toddler learns a powerful lesson: you always return.
Practical tips for calmer goodbyes
- Keep goodbyes short and warm. A hug, a kiss and a confident “See you after afternoon tea” works better than a long, drawn-out farewell.
- Always say goodbye. Slipping out unnoticed can make your child more anxious next time, because they start watching for you to disappear.
- Create a goodbye ritual. A special wave at the window, a high five or a family saying gives your toddler something predictable to hold on to.
- Pack a comfort item. A small soft toy, or a family photo, can help your child feel connected to home.
- Arrive with a little time to spare. Rushing tends to raise everyone’s stress. A few calm minutes helps your child ease into the room.
- Stay calm, even if you feel wobbly. Toddlers read our faces. If you seem relaxed and confident, they are more likely to feel safe.
- Keep the routine consistent. Similar days and a similar drop-off order help your child know what to expect.
Working with your child’s educators
Your child’s educators are your partners in settling. Let them know your toddler’s favourite toys, songs, comfort words and how they like to be soothed. These small details help educators connect with your child quickly.
It can be reassuring to hand your child directly to an educator they know, who can then guide them towards something interesting. Many parents also find it helps to check in later in the morning. Hearing that your child settled and is happily playing can ease your own worries, too.
When it takes a little longer
Some children settle within a week or two. Others take longer, and some go through a second wave of tears weeks later, often after a holiday or a period of illness. This is normal and usually passes with patience and consistency.
At pick-up, greet your child warmly and spend a few minutes reconnecting. Talk about what they did during the day, and celebrate small wins. If you are worried that your toddler’s distress is very intense, lasting a long time or affecting sleep and eating at home, have a chat with your Maternal and Child Health nurse or GP. Raising Children Network also has helpful information on separation anxiety.
Settling in at Nest
At Nest, we know that starting care is a big step for the whole family. We offer orientation sessions before your child starts, so your toddler can get to know our Toddler room and educators with you close by. Once they begin, daily updates through our parent app help you stay connected to your child’s day.
If you are thinking about childcare in Keysborough and would like to talk through how we help toddlers settle, we would love to show you around. Book a tour or call our team on 03 9969 7057 for a friendly chat.
